i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
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