Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
