You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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