'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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