"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
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