i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
