the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Randomize
