ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
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