12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Randomize
