Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
