P.S. I can't hear my feet
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
