Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
