i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
