Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
Randomize
