Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
