I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
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