we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
