dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
