Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
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