I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
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