garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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