i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
