Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Randomize
