Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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