I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
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