Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
