i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
i may or may not be watching the land before time
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
