I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Randomize
