my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
