The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I'm experimenting with sincerity
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
PANTIES FOUND
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