I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I want to fling myself into the sun
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
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