her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh�
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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