2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Randomize
