Who did Billy Mays play for?
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
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