No, you can still breathe under the balls.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
