: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
