me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
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