So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
