i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
