I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Randomize
