Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
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