his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
