I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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