One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
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