I just saw a hot homeless man
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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