How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Randomize
