Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
My life is pants optional.
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