They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
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