There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
