She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Randomize
