This dress was meant to end up on your floor
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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