remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
