Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
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